Posts Tagged persistent virginity

How To Move A Bed: The Bobby Method

By Bobby Ingram

When I got the word from Malcolm that I had been accepted as one of The Last Gaffe’s new writers, I was pretty amped about the whole thing. That feeling lasted for a solid fifteen minutes, before it turned into an intense sense of dread at my complete dearth of ideas for what to write. I hadn’t really been doing a lot of writing the past few weeks, and while many writers would come out of such a stretch with a back-up of great ideas just waiting to pour out of them, I came out with fresh memories of how much more fun Resident Evil 5 is than writing.

Its not racist because the girls black, you guys!

It's not racist because the girl's black, you guys!

And so I found myself staring blankly at a word document that was, well, blank, trying my damnedest to come up with something that would be both funny and a good introduction to the Last Gaffe audience. Something that truly captured who I am. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a whole lot of time to come up with something good because I was also in the process of moving to a new house. And then, in the process of moving, genius struck.

In the form of idiocy.

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My Rambling, Juvenile Watchmen “Review”

So, Daniel Dean of the Comic Book Closet put out a call for reviews of Watchmen. This isn’t the sort of thing I normally do; while it’s obvious that my opinion will now and forever be the only one that matters, I find it tiresome explaining that to people. However, I noticed that in his call Daniel failed to make any kind of specifications geared towards the tone, quality, focus, or seriousness of these reviews, and my interest was instantaneously piqued. It takes some serious balls to make that kind of pointed omission in a cattle call; specifically, serious balls that dangle tantalizingly around snap-kicking height.

I Googled male crotch balls without thinking of the consequences, and I just dont have the heart to inflict what I saw on the rest of you, so here are some Husky puppies instead.

I Googled "male crotch balls" without thinking of the consequences, and I just don't have the heart to inflict what I saw on the rest of you, so here are some Husky puppies instead.

With that out of the way, let’s get down to business! For the purposes of this review, I’m going to assume a few things:

- That you have read the graphic novel on which the film is based

- That you don’t care about spoilers, and

- That you are going to go somewhere else after reading this to get a serious, well-reasoned viewpoint, because you sure as fuck aren’t going to get that here.

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