Posts Tagged Micheal

Stories From Bible Camp: The Sheepening

By Michael Rader

I began attending bible camp during the summer at the earliest age possible, 8, and started working there at 13. My memories of camp at an early age are fuzzy at best and completely missing at worst. I’ve never been able to pay very much attention to my surroundings; often I was completely absorbed in doodling, flicking pieces of paper into the smelly kid’s hair or reading Song of Songs* and wondering what it was like to touch a boob. A girl boob.

Pictured: Girl boob, flourishing in its natural habitat.

Pictured: Girl boob, flourishing in its natural habitat.

All I recall from my first year is that I couldn’t remember my camp counselor’s face or name and often wound up in the wrong groups for activities, I vaguely remember getting hit in the face with a pillow and breaking my glasses, and I every so faintly recollect having a friend, “His name was Matt…or Mark…or something with an M,” I explained to my mom. She never could understand why I wanted to go back every year.

My third year at camp I got lost during a nature hike on a sheep farm.

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Textual Relations

Truth be told, I merely wuv texting.

Truth be told, I merely 'wuv' texting.

Disclaimer: All horrible text messages are entirely SIC, all spelling and grammatical errors have been left intact. I have not changed any names to protect the innocent; however, I have not changed my own name so who will protect me from the innocent?

Very recently I changed my phone number. Not because I meant to, but because the employees of Alltel are hilariously incompetent and couldn’t understand what I meant by wanting to renew an already existing contract and instead signed me up for an entirely new contract.

I soon discovered that the previous owner of my phone number was a rather popular person who apparently didn’t like her old friends enough to inform them of his/her new number.

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