The Last Gaffe

For When The Last Word Just Isn’t Enough

Posts Tagged Cracked

Forum Bits: Conversation With Michael

Mar 27

Posted by admin in Fiction, Malcolm, Scripts

Today’s forum thing (and the last one I’m going to inflict upon you for the time being since my policy of hitting my writers until articles come out has finally paid off,) comes from this boring thread, which was started by an unfunny idiot who wanted people to come up with ways for him to get “revenge” on his neighbors who insisted upon having loud sex at all hours, apparently. It was a stupid thread started by a stupid person, and thankfully the thing I wrote is only related to it by the barest of lines.

You passionate lovers are in for it once the Internet tells me what to do about your shenanigans!

"You passionate lovers are in for it once the Internet tells me what to do about your shenanigans!"

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Forum Bits: Dickonomics

Mar 25

Posted by admin in Fiction, Malcolm

Because I don’t think I mentioned this last time: since these are shorter pieces that I’m sure a large portion of my audience has already seen, this is going to be a three-update week. This is mostly being done to simultaneously silence my inner artist’s outraged cries at posting re-runs, and my outer audience’s deafening yawns of apathy at our glacial update schedule.

Oh look, TLG updated. I guess I owe Todd in HR a dollar.

"Oh look, TLG updated. I guess I owe Todd in HR a dollar."

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Forum Bits: Future Scene

Mar 24

Posted by admin in Fiction, Malcolm, Scripts

I’ve been a little busy with my various schemes to put much thought into what I’m going to write next for this site. Since I don’t really feel like forcing anything, I figured I’d steal a trick from Jay Pinkerton and just post some dressed-up pieces I’ve written for the Cracked Forums over the past few months. Most of them were just spur-of-the-moment things I banged out when some random comment activated my imagination.

I’ll do my best to provide context and background, and also correct some of my more glaring mistakes of formatting and punctuation. Oh, and if this whole business seems uncharacteristically lazy and narcissistic, then you obviously haven’t seen my Twitter account.

Let me put it this way: Dane Cook LOVES my Twitter.

Let me put it this way: Dane Cook LOVES my Twitter.

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Michael’s Unintentionally Homoerotic Adventures at the YMCA‏

Mar 11

Posted by admin in Michael, Nonfiction

My job has essentially been the same for four years now, I sit on a chair for 8 hours in front of a computer eating Chex Mix and drinking Mountain Dew. I also turned 21 sometime during my employment and I began living on nothing more than Chex Mix and beer while at home. That’s also not to mention Filth I have put in my body for this very website (Now you got a lawsuit on your hands, Malcolm.). Needless to say, I am not in the best shape, and I have recently found myself gasping for air after menial tasks like bringing the mail in and climbing into bed.

So I discussed the possibility of getting a membership to our local YMCA with my wife, the conversation went something like this:

Me: It seems I’m a little out of shape…

My Wife: Yes you are.

Me: Well, I was about to say maybe I should get a membersh…

My Wife: Yes you should.

Above: Everything I need to enjoy.

Above: Everything I need to enjoy.

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Welcome To My Website; I Trust You Are Enjoying Yourselves

Feb 5

Posted by admin in Malcolm, Nonfiction

You’d better watch out, regular TLG fans.  It’s about to get a lot crazier in here.  Sex-crazy.

Cracked crazy.

You might be thinking to yourself “Hey, why does the name of the gentleman who wrote that article on naughty words look familiar?  I wonder if he knows the Malcolm Christiansen who writes for this website?”  Hold on to your tits, because here’s a mind-blowing, completely true fact: We are the same Malcolm Christiansen.

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All-Natural Enhancement

Dec 3

Posted by admin in Malcolm, Michael, Pictures, Scripts

So over in the Cracked forums, someone posted a link to this Reader’s Digest article, entitled “19 Ways To Enhance Your Sense of Humor.” It’s all well-meaning advice, and you could certainly do worse than following some of it, but for every piece of sound advisement there’s something like this:

“10. Spend 15 minutes a day having a giggling session. Here’s how you do it: You and another person (partner, kid, friend, etc.) lie on the floor with your head on her stomach, and her head on another person’s stomach and so on (the more people the better). The first person says, “Ha.” The next person says, “Ha-ha.” The third person says, “Ha-ha-ha.” And so on. We guarantee you’ll be laughing in no time.”

Michael and I, our senses of humour in desperate need of enhancement, decided to give some of their suggestions a try.  First, Michael fired up Photoshop and gave this suggestion a go:

“6. Sort through family photographs and write funny captions or one-liners to go with your favorites. When you need a pick-me-up, pull out the album.”

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