So, Daniel Dean of the Comic Book Closet put out a call for reviews of Watchmen. This isn’t the sort of thing I normally do; while it’s obvious that my opinion will now and forever be the only one that matters, I find it tiresome explaining that to people. However, I noticed that in his call Daniel failed to make any kind of specifications geared towards the tone, quality, focus, or seriousness of these reviews, and my interest was instantaneously piqued. It takes some serious balls to make that kind of pointed omission in a cattle call; specifically, serious balls that dangle tantalizingly around snap-kicking height.
I Googled "male crotch balls" without thinking of the consequences, and I just don't have the heart to inflict what I saw on the rest of you, so here are some Husky puppies instead.
With that out of the way, let’s get down to business! For the purposes of this review, I’m going to assume a few things:
- That you have read the graphic novel on which the film is based
- That you don’t care about spoilers, and
- That you are going to go somewhere else after reading this to get a serious, well-reasoned viewpoint, because you sure as fuck aren’t going to get that here.