It’s been said that Barack Obama has set a new standard for African-American achievement. Alliteration aside, Obama ran a campaign that promised change. And change he brought. Sure, the whole culmination of the ideals brought forth in the Civil Rights movement seems important, but can we look past race for a moment to perhaps an even more significant stride in equal rights? I’m talking, of course, about making fun of the mentally handicapped.

It’s about time someone took the Special Olympics down a peg. Too long has this “charitable organization” sat in its ivory tower in the clouds, far above the insults hurled from the peasants living in its shadow. But no more. The recently elected commander-in-chief took the public’s burden upon his broad, ebony shoulders and in a sense said, “No more will the tyrants of good taste and appropriateness hold sway over the populous. No more will American’s have to whisper unsavory jokes under their breath in the shadows of society and in e-mail forwards. America wants to scream its tasteless jokes in the streets. And now with hope and change and an arsenal of Helen Keller jokes, I say to you all, ‘Yes, we can.’”

"Yes we CAN laugh at the mongoloid we sit next to in art class!"

Was President Obama’s comment callous, insensitive, and somewhat mean-spirited? Absolutely. But more importantly, it was hilarious. This hilarity combined with Barack Obama’s natural charisma and charm met to become the perfect storm of acceptability. Everything went smoothly from the self-deprecating angle of the joke to the passive delivery. By making the joke so flawlessly, Obama has literally dropkicked the testicles of injustice, which then led to the dizzying nausea of awareness, and finally the bloodied vomit of reform was sprayed all over the nation.

Now, historically speaking, this is not the first time that an American President has attempted to joke his way into the history books. In 1942, with WWII’s end in sight, Harry S. Truman attempted to smooth over conflicts with Europe by making a joke at the expense of Mexico. This joke, which has been lost to the annals of history, was delivered awkwardly and reportedly “trailed off at the end.” Disaster ensued, leading to the infamous Zoot Suit Riots of Los Angeles, an event so disastrous that it would eventually resurface in 1997 under the guise of a Cherry Poppin’ Daddies album.

Just IMAGINE the tunes that will be made about the fallout from Obama's joke! He's WAY cooler than Truman!

Some of you may be asking what advantages could possibly come from an off-color remark? Just think about it. The term “retarded” has been thought of as politically incorrect for years, but when the foremost political leader of America makes a joke or reference previously thought “un-PC” on national television, it automatically becomes politically correct. In fact, speaking from a legal standpoint, not joking about the Special Olympics could easily be considered treason.

But what of the rest of the world? Won’t they view this as insensitive? We can only hope. We are currently involved in the War on Terror. I ask you, how can we fight terrorists abroad when we are too afraid to use certain words here at home? We can’t. It’s impossible. By showing the terrorists that no one is safe from our unabashed vocabulary, Barack Obama has effectively brought the hammer down on the terror makers. It is only a matter of time before the most dangerous factions shrivel up like a dick in ice water.

Do yourself a favor and don't picture it.

Dear readers, the Special Olympics remark of ’09 is just the tip of the iceberg. It is only a matter of time before the President Ba-rocks the shit out of some racial slurs, then it’s on to the fags. This is the beginning of complete and total equality in America (don’t screw this opportunity up, white people). The next time you get gunned down on Xbox Live, don’t be afraid to call your assassin a retard. Say it with pride. Say it with America in your heart and a huge, freedom-loving erection in your pants. I know I will.