By Daniel Dean

(Alternative Title: SECOND-BEST AT WHAT HE DOES)

What can we say about Wolverine that hasn’t been poorly spelled in all-caps before? He’s Marvel’s most bankable mutant and currently appears in about every third comic Marvel publishes. They have even taken to specifically labeling comics which don’t have Wolverine on them. Yes, seriously.

Use these to recognize the increasingly-rare Wolverine-free Marvel titles!

In the comics Wolverine seems aware of his best-selling status, missing no opportunity to talk down to his teammates and trash-talk his enemies, generally glowering at everything and wishing he could fuck a dead woman. This would all-be par for the course in comics but, dammit, he’s just so cocky about it, as are his fans. Well I say we take Wolverine at his word and see whether he really is the best there is at what he does.

What exactly is it that Wolverine does, you ask? Let’s check his stats:

KILLING

Want context? Purchase "The Dark Phoenix Saga" trade paperback and hold on to your balls.

One thing that always drew fans to Wolverine was how lethal he was. Banshee would yell at you, Cyclops would look at you, Professor X would make you think bad thoughts, but Wolverine… he will stab you. As time went on this aspect of Wolverine’s character was played up more heavily as fans couldn’t seem to get enough of Wolverine losing his shit and killing a room full of dudes. One of the things that catapulted Wolverine to fan-favorite status was him cutting up an entire building of dudes after getting left for dead in the sewers.

GRADE: B-

Apart from cannon-fodder henchmen, Wolverine really hasn’t killed as many people as you would think. Of those he has killed many of them really had it a long time coming, so the whole “loose cannon” angle just doesn’t work. He probably would have scored higher if not for the fact that he has failed to kill so many of his arch enemies when killing people is his whole deal (see below.)

HEAD OF THE CLASS: TOMMY MONAGHAN

I could have said “The Punisher” because both of them have pretty impressive body counts but A) the Punisher didn’t really start killing a lot of guys for a long time (since he was a Spider-Man character and mostly hung around threateningly) and B) Tommy Monaghan killed a shitload of guys in way fewer issues than the Punisher ever did. Still, both characters held mainstream titles and killed way more people than Wolverine ever did. For those unfamiliar with him, Tommy Monaghan starred in DC comics’ Hitman by future Punisher scribe Garth Ennis and his book was pretty righteously funny in its own right, which earns him some extra credit.

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Tags: bub, Daniel, Fiction, gaaaaaaaaay, Lists, Nonfiction, snikt, terrible dress sense, wolverine

By Daniel Dean

Every show is somebody’s favorite. I’m not just talking about the Sopranos or Cheers. I’m sure that somewhere out there is a Pink Lady and Jeff fan holding out for a miracle. When a network cancels a show it might be due to low ratings, public outrage, lack of sponsors, or other budgetary concerns. Maybe Bernie Mac died. The point is that usually we, the viewing public, know how the game is played so we learn to live with it.

That’s not always the case. Sometimes a show is cut down in its prime or before it even had a chance. In honor of the not-entirely-recent release of the complete Andy Richter Controls the Universe on DVD (including unaired episodes) I thought it would be a good idea to look at some comedy series that suffered that ignominy. This is by no means a complete list or even a complete list of our favorite canceled comedies but rather an ode to a few shows that don’t get enough love (and a couple that simply can’t get enough love.)

Right off the bat let me just say that we of TLG give special lifetime achievement recognition in the history of canned programs to Judd Apatow and Bryan Fuller. Freaks and Geeks, Dead Like Me, Undeclared, Pushing Daisies: these shows all had their own online petitions to “Save Our Show!” and complimentary pull-quotes etched on their tombstones. If we didn’t make this one entry it would be the whole article.

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Tags: arrested development, cancelled, covering big-tittied cheerleaders in whipped cream, Daniel, disappointment, family guy, frisky dingo, futurama, Lists, mst3k, mystery science theater 3000, Nonfiction, television, the tick