In grudging acknowledgment of Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to use the occasion as a springboard for talking about how gay I am not.
It’s come to my attention that there are certain unnamed parties that are of the opinion that I am a profligate homosexual who will cheerily exchange a half-hour of backdoor shenanigans for ten dollars and a warm smile.
This is mostly untrue.
Listen, I understand how a misconception such as my alleged fondness for repeated acts of sodomy could come to be. After all, if a fellow were to watch a music video containing as much sugary pop and ruthlessly synchronized Korean dance stylings as I have in the past week, some eyebrows would be bound to raise.
My favorite is Taeyeon! She's the skinny brunette.